went for jelly's csa lecture today then met my grp for pom meeting..so nervous..tml's the big day of presentation..practically slpt thru accounts lecture today...can't take the subject manz...had desert with some vball guys and jelly after lecture then came back awhile for table tennis..'big eugene' sent me home after tat...weee...hahaha..

on the way home, 'small eugene' msged me..he asked me how's life and everything..sms for abt 3 hrs and we talked abt stuff...he ask me abt relationships and he said too bad i'm interested in another guy if not he'll ask me to patch..told him tat if he wanted to do tat, he would have done it long ago..he said he was every luan at that time and now he's tot for the better..i told him how i felt last time and everything...anyway..i just received a sms from him...he ask if i wish to patch! omg...i duno wat to do or how to react sia...i scared i make a mistake...think i have to think abt things and do the rite thing..aiyo...bye bye...no time to blog le..

if u wan to know the truth, this is the truth: i would rather be outside then come home..i dun like to stay at home and face you.. i dun feel like it's my home anymore..i feel like an orphan..i hate it when u call me and ask me why i'm not home..i hate it to the core...i hate it so damn much..you dun seem to have any respect for me..and u keep saying it's cuz u care..but i feel it's a whole lotta crap..i dun wish to care anymore..i dun need your care..everything's falling apart..i want to think tat it will get better but i dun think i can and neither will it be better.........

*yest and today's news*

-Sat 27/09/03-
met my group members at mac in the morning for comm skills..after tat met jelly and eve and went to look for my formal wear.. bot the pants and shirt...in the evening went to ktv at katong to celebrate alvin's birthday.. once again, eve, jelly and me were the only gers tat turned up..searched for alvin's b day cake before tat and it was so tiring! we walked all over katong and finally ended up in parkway..had to keep reminding myself tat alvin was my fren and i din mind doing it..hahaa..after the ktv we went to play cs and then play pool..reached home at 2am while the rest at 4 plus...mum was so angry with me and gave me a prep talk..but i couldn't be botherd..haha..

-sun 28/09/03-
got up this morning without lunch..think cuz my dad was angry with me too and din care abt me anymore..met eve and jelly arnd noon to get my formal shoes and then pay my respects to ree yi's grandma..headed home after tat and slcked arnd on the com.. o ya! my bro cooked dinner for both of us and in return i went swimming with him at 8.15pm.. so relaxing...now i want to do my comm skills but also dunno how to do and wat i am supposed to do..haha..

kinda miss him now..

left my hse this morning at 9.55am for a 10am econs lecture.. din wan to go cuz i was late but adelyn asked me to come and said tat she would wait for me..so in the end i went and the lecture ended in an hrs time! waste time only! shudn't have gone..

my last class for the day ended at 3pm..went to play table tennis with jelly's classmates, eugene, de wei and kerson..hopped to squash and finally to basketball..so fun basketball..hhaha..reached home at abt 8.30..

tml gotta buy business wear...haiz..have to buy everything sia..

long day i had today..class ended at 5pm..during lunch break went to pass de wei the camera..prayed so hard tat i would do my econs presentation today..but...haiz..it disapointed me..haha..
went to play table tennis after sch with eve they all..so fun..finally went to watch alvin and eugene train for their track ivp..and after tat walked home in the rain...

hmmm...uploaded some pics just now..my dad saw darren's pic (pointing both the middle fingers)..told me he din like me mixing arnd with this kinda pple..hahaa..

Pom tutorial was nothing today.. tutor came in for 5 mins and then told us we could leave..and.....CSA so BORING!!!! haiyo! hmm...went american sch in the evening..played 5 sets and won all..wongie said i had to try to get back my rhythm back..american sch so nice! going back next week thurs to play with them again..anyway, dun feel like doing any tutorials for tml..so lazy lazy lazy...

*You can't make someone LOVE you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to the person to realise your worth*

great day today.. jeremy sent me to sch this morning..met my grp members for pom and comm skills project..ate sandwich for lunch but still went to meet yushan, eugene, alvin and steven for awhile..lunch was gd..could see him..

after lunch went for accounts lecture..so sianz..during the break, the lecturer asked us to write down wat we tot of FA1 and hand it in.. i wrote ' I Hate accounts, i regret it, to do one question is so long.' hahahaha...think i'm the only one who wrote this kinda comments..lucky no need write name..went to jelly's hse after sch to dye her hair..felt like a pro! haha..and now i'm stuck at home with thousands of tutorials and projects.. haiz..so busy..

*when a guy likes you, he will do anything for you*

woke up this morning feeling itchy all over.. counted my mosquito bites..35 altogether! can u believe it! cuz of the itchiness, took longer time to bathe and was abit late for apel at 1 pm... super boring today man.. pom especially.. after sch went home to slp..so tired from yest.. afer dinner, straight away came online to work on my pom project and argued with sze yuen abt the project meeting tml..haha..played GB with shaun and his frens and then played again later at nite with the vballers..going to do my tutorials now...haiz..
anyway, itching again!!!!! aiyo...really cannot take it..

o ya...kevin just msg..he said he has something to confess.. and he said he was fond of me but he was afraid to tell me cuz he scared tat we mite not be frens anymore. anyway, i'm now talking to him. so many things going thru my mind now.

*yest and today's news*

went to cut hair yest and after tat went ktv with the vballers. after tat took cab home and quarrelled with my mum. so fed up. told her tat church was a waste of time and all rubbish. everything lahz. really so fed up. anyway i just wanna thank Jeremy for keeping me company on the phone yest when i was so fed up. think after listening to him i felt much better.

woke up late at 5.30am this morning to go sentosa for the Terry Fox Run(road marshall). during my duty, so many mosquitoes! haiyo! scratch and scratch all over. peck sin still can shout to me from her post tat she rather die.. hahaha.. she always talking abt dying. we went to Palawan beach after tat to see the after-run events but finally walked over to Siloso Beach.. nobody there at all! so we went kayaking. shared a kayak with Adelyn. so fun but alittle sea sickness. it rain so we had to put the kayaking on hold for a while. think abt 12 plus, more and more pple came and they were all playing vball! saw some pple i knew. after bathing, we headed to the cinemania to sit the ride..all of them went on the ride except au yang and me. had headache so din go on.
Finally, adelyn, peck sin and me went to eat and walk arnd harbour front shopping centre and after tat head home..so tired..

Had a match against ITE today. we lost. so we got 4th. haiz. the match was...bad..no mood at all! anyway, it's over. dun talk abt it le. went to eat a Ang Kiong after the match. o ya! took alot alot of pics too. while checking a mail, received 1 from jeremy. it was all abt his feelings and everything. tat's all i guess... feeling a bit funny inside too.

woke up in the morning and saw jeremy's msg..but too lazy to read properly so slpt back..finally woke up and read the msg..kinda surprised but also not really..his msg sort of told me tat he liked me..haa..dunno lah..anyway now i owe eve and jelly drinks cuz of tat..haiz..made a mistake by placing a wrong bet..

my results sux manz...really really bad..think i better start studying now and not slacking arnd..all only border line pass...damn..

skipped csa lecture today to go watch movie with au yang...watched turn left turn right...not bad lah the show...but the couple really so no fate one..poor thing..haha...at the ending abit touching..abit only..while watching, tot of him..haiz..started to him him while watching.. after tat, went back to sch for match against sp..we lost..actually, seriously i got no feeling...like the outcome din affect me at all..mayb i'm bad, no feelings, heartless...i dunno...i really dunno..haiz...at nite played gunbound..so fun and chatted with shaun...pestering him abt stuffs..hahaha...

great day today...meet my pom grp members for proj meeting..waste time only..they ask for our suggestions but they nva use..wat's the point..haha..anyway pecksin so fed up then she so straight forward and complain loudly..hahaha...tat's our peck sin..watch the tp guys match after sch..they played well..but could have been better i think..anyway, gd luck to them..hope they win tml's one...

did my comm skills today in sch then met jeremy for lunch..after tat 2 of his frens came and joined us..on the way to apel...saw eugene and kelvin..so qiao..hahaa..pom lecture was totally boring today...wasn't listening 1 bit..came home after tat and slacked arnd and now thinking i better get some hw and project done..haiz...so much..but so lazy..

u want freedom rite, ok then, i will back off TOTALLY..

i hurts me to do tat...but if i dun...i'm afraid eventually i mite get hurt worse..

super tired today even when i woke up..which was in the after noon..hahaa...woke up with my eye area there feeling pain...immediately went to check it out and to make sure there were no wrinkles.. and at the same time got a shock at my face..it looked swollen..hahaa...think my mum tot i cry then dare not say anything abt it..abt 4 plus slpt again until 7..dunno y sleep so much...then last min i have to do survey for tml..so sickening..where got enuff think..i going to do myself..hahaa..anyway jeremy say he gonna call me later...so guess i wun be sleeping early..once again the guy apologized for the same all over me..hahaa...

woke up early at 6 am today to go sentosa to play quiksiver beach vball competition...when we reached there, so many pple! summore mostly all playing vball..the matches were pretty interesting to watch...and surprisingly, the weather was PERFECT! and i mean really really perfect...it was quite colling but dunno how come i got red...so shocked by the colour when i bathe...luckily i wun peel.. saw so many pple i knew also.. reached home at at 11.45..super tired...fell asleep in the bus and luckily i woke up 1 stop b4 mine...if not i would have gone to bedok..haha..overall....today was superb...very very fun...haha..

*i know you are going thru some tough period..i hope to share them with you..take care too..SARS is back! haha*

today was alot better...but still brooding over yest this morning...sch was soooo long today..so lazy...anyway met eve after sch to watch the vball match..SP's gd! after tat went home and did some hw..actually feeling kinda relieved now..like abit of worry is gone...=)

sch ended early today...the lecture was only 1 and a half hrs..after tat accompanied jelly for lunch..had a match against ITE today..so exciting...but so sad we lost 3-2...the boys were also against ITE but they won 3-2..so happy for them..haha..right now not tired but i think i gotta slp..tml have to wake up early...hope eve can wake up too..

aiya..so fucked up..i damn fed-up today.. sch was great..everything was great...until after sch came...can't be bothered to eleborate lahz..dun wan to care...can't bo bothered also..lihui going to call liao..bye

*if i'm not made for you, why does my heart tell me that i am? i really miss you...*

my mum woke me up at 10.30am today and claiming tat it's 11.20..still shout at me to wake up sumore..then half an hr later she realised she made a mistake..hahaa...anyway i had class at 12pm so it's fine with me..and my fri class going to end at 12!! muahahaa...song rite..got sch from 10-12 only...

today in accounts lecture almost slept...i hate accounts! duno y i chose the course in the 1st place..haiz..started on my tutorials after dinner and watched abit of 'nightmare on elm street 4'...the show shocked me abit..haha...hmm...talking to wongie now..he asking so many qns..and giving me talk my feelings..haiz..

oh man...i think i'm starting to hurt inside...i really dun tink i can take it..as in going thru the feeling again...but i just can't seem to let it out..like it's not ready yet..i really really want to be alone..to hide it all deep inside of me...yet...i yearn for someone to talk to, and to hear the voice..i dunno..i need someone to be with me but at the same time i want to be alone..all alone....................

haiz...feeling kinda confused..dunno how to describe this feeling also..this feeling makes me wanna think twice abt stuff...

anyway, went to sch super early today...slept so late the night before, had only abt 3 hrs of slp.. wanted to slp after smallville today...but...dun seem tired le..haaz...peck sin wanted to treat me dinner today but i wasn't free again..so it would have to be another day...oh yah.. had a match against nyp today..we won...

*1 constantly msgs me throughout the day while the other never msged me at all*

woke up so tired this morning abt 12 plus..but had to force myself to wake up as there was project.. ate lunch and spent hours on the com without much progess.. finally went jelly's hse in the evening and she tot me how to do some stuff...think i can't be bothered anymore..just do the minimum requirements and tat's it! dun care le..now just type my essay and go do other interesting stuffs...

OP warehouse was gd!!! everything was cheap cheap cheap! bought 2 shirts for myself and 2 more for eugene...so cheap so i just grab..haha..but the place was super squeezy..everyone was pushing and everything..and super duper HOT! summore i wear long sleeve...haiyo..no ventilation manz..isabel, my sidekick was there..she seemed to have grown taller and darker.. haven seen her in a looong time..so cute sia she..hahhaa..

went for yihui's b bay at marina square in the evening for dinner..quite enjoyed myself..and until now.......i still haven done my essay..no time and so distracted...haiz..how sia...how...

woke up at arnd 4.35pm today...zahirah called me this morning at abt 12.30, asking me to go eat lunch as it was peck sin's b day today and she was treating us..but....i din go cuz i was too tired and was still slping...when i woke up again at 4.35pm, i immediatly called peck sin to wish her and apologize for not accompanying her...anyway she said we monday go eat or something liddat..

had vball training at 6.30, and it's the very last training with the seniors...haiz...will miss them..anyway after the training, walked home with eugene..and now i'm online..trying to finish my csa project and other stuff..haiz..so busy..

*why don't you reply?*

i'm back!!! the chalet was soo fun..made some friends..think it wasn't a complete flop..

1st day-invited eve and my classmates.. had a lot of food but we managed to finish most of it.. eve's class arrived rather early..her class is so fun! especially sylvia..so cute..hahaa..think they're pretty 'on' and united... unlike mine..haiz..my class came at abt 8 and left abt 10..din really talk much..anyway, i din slp the whole nite and we gambled and played games! but i din win much..

2nd day- woke up arnd noon and ordered pizza..shaun and his pals came at 4 plus and we had to leave for training at 6.30..jelly and eve cycled to tp while eugene and me took a cab..after training we cycled back to the chalet and it was so tiring..but very cooling..went nite cycling with eve's classmates again to the red house and pasir ris park..even went into the maze...felt to scared..haha.. some vball guys came tonite as well..o ya...slept arnd 4 am..too tired from the training..

3rd day- woke up arnd 1 plus with aching legs which was super duper pain when straightened...think it was the previous nite's training and the nite cycling..was supposed to go home ealier to day but stayed for jelly's class bbq..after the bbq, only 1 guy was left and staying over so eve and i decided to accompany jelly until abit later..finally left jelly slping at chalet at abt 12.30 and took a cab back..

*yawnz* just woke up at 12+... woke up earlier but forced myself to slp.. during my slp, my mum's fren called ask me when she'll be back and ask me to pass a message.. as my mum was not in, i slept back and now my mum has gone to church..oh... man...so dead-o..

hmm..my whole class are already at the zoo..wondering if they are enjoying it..anyway they'll be coming to the bbq after the zoo..can't wait to see them and some other pple...haha..kk...think i better go eat my lunch then go pack my stuff and everything...see you on thurs when i'm back again!

chaoz!

woke up at arnd 1 plus in the afternoon today.. but received a few calls during my beauty sleep..haha..spent almost the whole afternoon doing my csa project and selecting my cds..registered it at 3.13pm..but i have a feeling i mite not be able to get it cuz i'm only supposed to take cds in yr 2 sem 2.. so duno lahz..anyway, met jelly at 5.45 at prime but i was late as usual cuz i left my house without my vball shoes...so stupid.. o ya..met my class rap also...he came my hse just to make me sign the apel thingy..

training today was super sian...totally din have the mood to play...sumomre so long nva touch vball..chatted with joanna during training and surprising i told her how i felt abt stuff... she too shared the same thoughts as me... haiz... i think my love for the game is diminishing.. got some plans but mayb i'll execute after ivp..dunno lahz...see 1st..hehehe..*evil laugh*

watched friends and smallville and a bit of the movie shakespear in love just now... so nice the shows... then later gonna pack my stuff for tml!!! so exciting..hahaa.. finally i can go beach..so long nva go le..can't wait...