Even a midst all the chaos of the lunar new year................

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.........i still feel sad and lost.............

It's times like this where i really hate u.
I don't care and,
i don't wanna know what u have to say.
u made me who i am today.
no one to blame but yourselves.
i really hate u right now.
and i can't wait to leave.
support was all i wanted
but it was something which u could never give.

All throughout the game, i totally had faith we would win.. i really believed it with all my heart.. dunno why i was like so nervous during the 3rd set.. until qian have to keep telling me to slow down and all.. i'm SOOOOO proud of my team today.. the way we fought and played like a team was woooow! power! we supported each other no matter what, motivating and the way we moved and covered one another was excellent! Fantabulous! But team.... we gotta fight k... faith alone is not enough... we still gotta give it everything we've got on friday.. cause we've got NOTHING TO LOSE...

James Chapter 2
Verse 17: " In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."
Verse 24: "You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone"
Verse 26: " As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead"

Therefore, Faith without actions is dead..

Hwore: u played excellent today! spiking and all..even receiving those spiked balls.. confidence yeah.. i will always be there to support u no matter what u are feeling...

Qian: great blocking! i know u felt like damn high during the game after those 3 blocks.. keep telling and telling me abt it.. hahaha.. and u so fierce!! when i was abt to serve the last ball.. u shout at me.. hahaha

partner: hey hey.. it's so good to know u're supporting me in court.. i just feel so safe... i love it when we're so flexible.. the joy of playing with u is really wonderful.. u played excellently today! continue to fight for our last game k.. for the sake of our last time together on court..... and it's amazing how i only seem to be able to hear u shouting "zhan wen!" before i set.. hahaha.. everyone elses shouting seems to be blocked out.. haha...

And finally, BB: take care of your knee k... faith as definately brought us to where we are right now.. i don't have to say much here.. cuz i'm sure u know what i'm thinking exactly and cause we always talk when we're together.. just remember.. u're the best libero... u were meant to receive.. don't let anything get you down... *you and i make the big plays* LOL

It's now past 12 am, 25 Jan.... sooo... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DARLING HWORE!! u're now 20...old ah.. old.. hahahaa.. our friendship of 14 years has just been the best! u always make me smile.. like i've said before, u may not be always there when i want u.. but u're always there when i need u... thank God for that.. =] This year has started off really well, don't ya think so? life on court and off court has been great.. i just hope that u'll enjoy your day with ME tml.. hee... remember to take lots and lots of pic k? hahaha... i love ya!!! =]

OH yes!! 1 last thing... damn funny la.. laugh like mad just now..

mrs moo: firstly.. u wun believe it

mrs moo: i forgot i drive to sch

mrs moo: so i went back and drove all the way back home again

HAHAHAHAAHA.. u know why??? cuz after the game, we all walked to ang keong for dinner.. can't believe she actually forgot it la.. haha

mrs moo: im so happy! everything like perfect today

mrs moo: except for the stupid car thing la. still can think how to go home.. walk or take bus

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAA cannot take it man......

Wu Tong

I got this 'Wu Tong' from Siew Yee when she whacked me during the NUS game.. amazing ain't it..

I have just made a BET with bel.. time: Sunday, 8:25pm
-Bel and I shall run on tuesday night in TP.
-100 metres
-If i win, she will have to shout "Go TP!! Go Carol!! I love you!!" on the day of the ivp finals.. It will have to be loud and clear enough for me to hear it while the game is in motion.
-Similarly, If she wins, I will shout "Go SHSS!! Go Bel!! I love you!!" on her East Zone match.

Let the games begin..........

my world has just came crashing down.. i guess u pple know what that means.. we lost the fucking match to NTU.. score, 3-2.. and we are out.. i really dunno what to do.. it's currently 3:45am and i just reached home.. couldn't bear the thought of going home.. i don't even want to slp tonight cause i'm afraid to face up to reality when i wake up..was a bloody dumb way to end my vball.. just as BB said, if we were to say we didn't play well today, we don't have the right to pin point at someone.. cuz it didn't just happen.. everything was a process.. who didn't bother to put in effort at all.. everyone is to blame.. but i'm proud of my darling eve... she put in so much that others didn't know.. really.. she was the only one that held the team together.. i'm really proud of u, eve.. =] i love ya.. there's nothing to be sorry about..

For us year 3s, this is our final year.. we have nothing more to look forward to..friendships within the 12 of us will all be gone.. truth be told, i don't seem to have faith in any of them, considering the fact that no one will take the effort to keep us together.. i guess the others don't really feel the loss as they have 1 or 2 more years more of ivp..i'm just waiting for everything to sink deep into me and i bet in a few days time, i'll be crying like shit... i dunno if i'll ever go back to the court, i dunno if i'll ever pick myself up again.. but who knows when i'll be ready to go in and play again.. mayb in a few months, maybe in a year or two... i don't know.. i really regret so much.. *i gave up something that meant alot to me..only to be crushed with double force. was i stupid? did i make a wrong choice?*

I'm exhausted and sleepy.. but i just can't bear to go to slp and wake up to reality......i need someone badly... but there's just no one at all...........

oh yes, and another thing. i just realised there's this 5th and 6th position that u guys still have to play.. but i suggest u lose it.. so that for next year's ivp, NUS and NP won't be in your grouping again..

i'm scared.. i'm really scared for today's game with NTU.. this i won't deny.. had a rather sleepless night.. all i could think of was the fear in me and it's hard to push it away.. i think the fact that this is my final year, plus such high hopes i had for the team, added more pressure on me.. i really won't know what i'll do if SOME STUPID SHIT such as 'NP winning 1 set from NUS' happened. think my world will come crashing down even before i can start playing for the NTU match.

i'm contemplating whether i shud keep this fear within me, or let go and let God. i battled with this thought for a long time.. even up till this point that i am typing... hmmmmm.....i know i shud choose the latter.. but it's tough..... hmmmmm....i guess this is really where my faith in him comes in... and that's what i'll just do... LET GO AND LET GOD. i'll play my very best for him without regets, pushing on till the very end and never giving up or losing my spirit.. yes, cause i know he knows what's best for my team and me...

Teammates...... if u girls are reading this.... i'll do the opening prayer today, alright?

crap shit. lost to NUS 3-0. stupid blind referee and stupid me. feeling very down now. something was very wrong during the matches. no, EVERYTHING was very wrong. no communication. no nothing. put in alot of effort. no results. tried very hard to be in the mood of the game. but not working. each and every one of us was like dead. the feeling's indescribable. and i dunno what went wrong. too many to say.

thanks to regina. jas. zah. fuad. delong. mummy. daddy. and all those that i couldn't really see on top for coming down to support. sorry that u were let down. thank u so much.

can't do anything more. just gotta move on and fight for the next game with NTU.

Think the team felt pretty high today.. kinda felt it too.. but not exactly.. cuz u ain't the one scoring or whatever.. so i just don't feel anything.. only happiness i think..abit distant from them but not really also... anyway, BB says my spiking seems wrong.. shit la.. i so sad.. stupid position 2.. spiking from there ain't easy.. i really so sad la... haiz..

oh well.. i simply love the team... feels real good to be with them, part of them.. but something else is sad, i feel away from partner.. not very in sync with her anymore.. oh dear.... i can forsee what will happen after the ivp and after she leaves..... everything will be gone.. cuz this "musically inclined" person will find it taxing to be frens...

oh man... tml's the day of the relay running.. and i ain't running.... we didn't even register... all because of................ haiz.......... i suddenly feel i've lost a part of me.. cause i know this is something that i can never ever get back.... this was the last and only chance i ever had left, and now it's gone forever.. it really really hurts... really... no one will ever know how much it meant to me....................

but i gave it up just like that...........just like that.......

IVP is starting tml!!!!!!! our first match of the competition!! omg i'm so excited!! too bad half our team's kinda like... injured.. haha...nvm.. still excited and i ain't going to sch tml!! oh man.. how am i gonna slp tonight..

Volleyball IVP matches for Women
TP vs NYP - 12 jan, 6pm
TP vs NP - 16 jan, 6 pm
TP vs NUS - 18 jan, 730pm
TP vs NTU - 20 jan, 730pm

zah, jas, fuad, everyone! remember your promise to come support.. lol..=]

i am so stressed!! i got sooo much work to do... my mid sems are next week... on the 13th, 17th and 18th of Jan.. and my proj submissions are on the week after next... (the week beginning 23 jan) there's 4 projs to be submitted but i've like only started on 1... tell me.. where got time!! i need more than 24 hours!! can't believe i'm wasting like 5-10 mins typing rubbish on my blog now.. my organized is like filled to the max! how rare...

summore my ivp is starting this thurs.. even more stress coming up.. die... i really need help......

i feel lost in so many areas... in school, and in volleyball............................*sigh*

Ahh i'm so irritated!! We're supposed to be having a chalet today.. but who's going?!?! damn dumb la.. really so fed up.. we all agreed to have it today, MEANING: 'we will make time to go down..' but turns out partner's missing, xt's having a ball game at night, qian and eve has something on..andrea, ying and huiyee is working i think...... so sickening la!!!

sometimes i really really wonder if it's worth it.. everyone's gonna miss the team but no one really cares... u can try so hard to make everything right.. but whatever u do, nothing helps.. whatever.... i'm not gonna bother anymore.. everyone on its own.. i'm just gonna enjoy my time with klang, bb, jelly and bel today...

MY LEGS ARE STILL CRAMPING UP!~!!

I haven't slept much since the Will @ TP event.. i've been much too busy to do anything..

On Thursday, the sch was at it's most happening i have ever seen.. The sports complex was lit up with lights and music was blasting all over. The place was super packed with students and supporters. I didn't attend classes for these 2 days, Thurs and Fri.. The volleyball team was scheduled to run at 3am.. we were told that the sports groups had to run for at least 8 rounds. upon hearing that, the team definately complained. we didn't think we could make it at all.. but we did!! we all ran like mad! ran for abt 2 hours i think.. non stop.. i ran 23 rounds, partner ran 30 rounds (even though she was down with a flu and all..so worried for her.. ) and that mad woman ying ying ran 40 rounds.. hahahahaa.. crazy right.. anyway, Dr. William did not manage to set a Guinness World Record, BUT, we (TP) did!! LOL.. check this website out..http://www.channelnewsasia.com/cgi-bin/search/search_7days.pl?status=&search=dr%20william%20tan&id=186943

The whole event was damn fun.. i was with the team. and the team was with me. LOL..Uncle Fuad opened a classroom for us. We play mahjong, bonded and stuff.. After the whole running thing, i simply couldn't feel my legs anymore. It was so wobbly. just unbelievable that we ran so much. i stayed in sch till 11 plus in the morning then went home to catch a short 2 hr-plus nap. THEN had to rush back to sch for project consultation which i had totally forgotten about. THEN stayed in sch with Jas till 9pm to do the proj.. total madness. brain wasn't functioning one tiny bit.. by the time i got home i was dead tired.. like a walking zombie..

And now, i just came home from sch, on a saturday.. know why? Cause i was doing proj again.. stupid projects.. damn lazy la..oh oh and hwore, I am now in possession of your long awaited gift.. will pass it to u tml during our chalet.. =]

Lastly, not forgetting something, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PARTNER!!

On the surface, training appeared great.. It was shocking to see that everyone was present except partner and XT. it seemed such a pity that both of them weren't there... felt quite excited to train at first..but i got really pissed during the 1st drill.. stupid wongie really made me angry... felt like walking off halfway but then i controlled and only left after the drill finished. took off my shoes and everything.. totally didn't see the point in staying.. i think i already gave him my respect when i controlled my anger.. i could have shouted at him in the face. but i didn't.

i don't think i need to tell anyone what happened. except my team of course.. i owe them all the apologies i have..

I'm in the sch lab right now, idling my time away when i should actually be at home studying for my FA test tml morning. Came to sch so early for the ONLY lecture of the day, failing only to listen to anything the lecturer said. Sometimes i really wonder what's in my mind. yes, i must be mad.. well, i'm waiting for qian now to have lunch with her..

Yesterday we had a game with SIM in Xinmin sec. and i still made it through the night! there were certain movements that i couldn't do though.. and i hate it.. i hate it soooo much.. i hate my leg.. i hate it that i had to get injured. i hate it that i feel disabled. i hate it when i KNOW i can do so many other things but because of this stupid injury, i can't.....it makes me feel like nothing, like crap.. there were moments were my leg and arm felt the pain.. but i just controlled everything.. BUT.. I WON'T LET THIS GET ME DOWN!

We're havin training this evening.. it MIGHT be our last.. and my dear partner and Xt ain't coming... oh well...... i simply can't wait for IVP... everything simply fantastic.....

man.. i must still be living in the past if i'm still waiting for Christmas to come.. becasue that is exactly how i'm feeling!! both christmas and the new year passing seems so surreal.. oh well...

TP had a friendly game with PHS yesterday in their sch.. yes, on new year's eve.. Anyway, i got injured in the midst of the game! the metal base of the stupid divider/barrier or what ever it's called cut me.. i was trying to save a ball, then i hit the divider/barrier and it fell.. the metal base came up and cut my leg.. damn pain la.. summore super rusty.. went to the doctor's.. 56 bucks man.. madness.. but Mr ang paid and so did some of my darling team mates... =] lol..

The doctor cleaned my wound, cut of the dead skin.. thank goodness hwore and BB were beside me in the room.. they were singing me songs and trying to make me laugh to calm me down cuz i was so super scared.. the doctor also gave me an injection.. he bluff me man.. say not pain.. in the end i scream like hell in the room.. and that stupid BB was like laughing and laughing at me..

nvm.. anyway, my injection's so numb right now.. it's hard to lift my arm... OH YES, I'M SOO SCARED I'LL DIE.... really.. they say the rust so dangerous.. your jaw and joints can lock and u can die within 72 hours.. don't laugh k..even though i took the jab, but it might not have been suitable for me.. i am really really really really scared.. i don't wanna die............................